He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
