Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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