i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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