I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
