He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
