So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
