DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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