Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
