I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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