i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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