I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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