I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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