you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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