Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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