We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
