1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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