I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
