you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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