He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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