Christians are straight up FREAKS
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
