just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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