The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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