sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize