Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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