Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
