her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
