Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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