Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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