Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
