What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
