Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
