Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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