I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
