Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
