I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
