I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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