Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
