I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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