I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
