It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How's work?
Spinning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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