Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
