why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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