I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
