When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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