$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize