so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize