Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
