yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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