I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize