I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
