I faked an abortion last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
