Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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