its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
