Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
