White coat. Heels.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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