after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
