he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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