Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My penis needs a shock collar
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
