I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
