so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
