I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
