Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
