I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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