When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
