This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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