Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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