can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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