so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
