He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
