I wannas sexs uuuuu
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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