the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
