Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize