the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
