I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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