just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
