Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize