Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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