his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
