ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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