We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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