with your own penis?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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