somebody snuck up and got me drunk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
