That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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