I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
