I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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