My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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