Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
