Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
