I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
