Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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