you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
