I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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