i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
