Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
