so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
