I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
