The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
